Best Of...Follow-up

I've re-read the previous post feeling like it was a little depressing, especially the ending about Mini Flash. I've tried writing a few posts sense then, focusing on being lighthearted and witty (not my strength in writing, I tend to be more thought provoking in nature), but always missed the mark.

Then I tried posting about the new addition to the family (Welcome Little One!) but I haven't uploaded the pictures from the hospital and I wanted to do the job right. Therefore, no posts in the last two months!

Ugh!

But recent events in my family (extended) provoked a follow-up to the previous post. I won't go into detail about the familial issue but my thoughts will touch on conflict management. Something every family struggles with I'm sure.

A couple years ago while I was finishing my college degree I took a conflict management class. The class was a business course but I tended to apply the teachings toward my marriage rather then my co-workers. At that point Flash and I were married for 3 years and those years were...a struggle for me. I was very happy with Flash and I loved being married to him. But, after being single until I was 24 and used to having my own way, I felt like my individuality had been taken away from me. And of course, I felt like I wasn't getting my way on important issues because I was right darn it!

This class taught me new ways to bring up subjects I felt were important. I would try to experiment with these techniques hoping to have a positive dialogue with Flash but it always went very, very, wrong. I think we fought more as I tried to "manage" our conflict then we ever did in our first three years of marriage. It was very depressing and frustrating.

As our last project for the class we were given a checklist of all the topics we discussed throughout the semester broken up into seven sections. We had to take this list and watch a movie that has conflict and apply what we learned to the movie. I choose "Fireproof" with Kirk Cameron who is well known for his years on "Growing Pains" and "Left Behind". I ended up watching that movie seven times, taking on each section of the checklist one day at a time.

Between that class and that movie I finally figured out what I was doing wrong with my little experiments in conflict management with Flash. I was trying to force what I was learning on him, hoping that he would pick up on something he hadn't learned.

Not very fair of me, I know.

I realized if I wanted to manage our conflict, me trying to change him wouldn't work. I had to do that changing myself. I had to make an effort to see his side, to be calm, to express myself calmly. And also...wait for it...to accept the fact that I may not always get my way.

So, to tie together these ideas with my last post. I realized, after the family crisis my extended family just experienced, that bringing out the best in those around me starts with me changing my approach to best suit them, not what suits me.

I know, stellar idea huh? But when one wants one's way all the time one forgets that it's not about oneself, heh.