Merry Christmas

A couple of weeks ago I got to watch to coolest movie in the world. The Chronicles of Narnia and I not only feel in love with the movie but I feel in love with the music. I told my family that of all the things I wanted for Christmas I wanted that soundtrack. And I got it!! My family has always been so good to me. So I'm listening to my new cd as I type.

I also got to talk to my little brother today!! Last night as I was sitting watching my mom play some games on the computer and talking with her about this that and the other my parents mentioned we would be talking to Nick tomorrow. The excitment that came over me knew no bounds. I was hoping all over the place getting so excited I could hardly contain myself. When the phone rang this morning I got to be the one to answer it. Nick and I both were overwhelmed and we could hardly believe we were talking to each other. It had been so long. He said it was so weird because I was gone when he left and that's how it felt it should be. I'm glad I didnt' have to wait any longer then I did to talk to him though, I miss him so much.

We had 20 people come over for Christmas dinner. It was actually very enjoyable. My grandparents got this grand idea that my uncle and mom should make up some how. My uncle is being oober resentful to my mom for reason I won't go into. But needless to say, my uncle needs to grow up. So though it was slightly stressful I got to enjoy the company of my family members that I actually get along with and love. We played Setters of Catan. One of my cousins who I'm pretty close too said, "I like Candyland." She's 22.

So for the most part Christmas was wonderful.

My dreams are coming true...

It's too weird. Here I am this return missionary who just wants to get her life back to normal and dreams she had months ago are starting to come true.

I think I've already told of the one that I had about three months ago. The Cow, who is best friends with a guy I dated almost three years ago, was my zone leader. The night before Presidents Interviews I had a dream about being home. I went to a night choir that I've always gone to before my mission. I was pretty involved in the whole choir thing at the Institute. Next thing I know I see The Cow, sitting in one of the seats. He's not singing he's just there hanging out. We exchanged pleasantries but that is has far as it went in my dream. Nothing else happened. This dreams didn't really surprise me because his best friend is also heavily involved in Institute Choir and I figured he'd be coming up to see this guy anyway since they are so close.

But it's one thing to have a dream like that, it's a whole nother for it to actually come true. And it did, two weeks after I returned home I go to choir and The Cow is there. It's just too bizarre.

But a little more unsettling is the dream I had at the beginning of my mission. I had this one in the MTC and it was about The Cow's best friend Mr. Masters (he just graduated with his master degree). Why I had a dream about him I don't know. It was random and for a while I thought it was just Satan trying to get me distracted. This dreams was not a very happy dream. In it I saw Mr. Master doing things with his life that was not in accordance with LDS standards and I was really worried about him in my dream. Eventually I decided to confront him about it and told him how worried I was about him. This was all in the dream. And he got really mad at me and told me to mind my own business and I vaguely remember him getting on my case for not dating him when he was ready. You know how you are having dreams and you notice the detail of the room you are in probably more so then you would in real life. Well, the place we were having the argument in was his kitchen, but it wasn't any kitchen I had ever seen before. When I left the mission he wasn't living in a house that had a kitchen like that. So again I figured it was just a random dream.
Until a couple days ago when I was leaving his house. See since I've been home he's been unusually nice to me, until I've hung out with his best friend The Cow. Now's he's acting weird towards me as usual and it's really starting to tick me off. I've been spending not a lot of time over at their new place but enough for it to be significant. The Cow keeps inviting me over. So as I was leaving my dream came back to me and I realized the kitchen they now have in their new house is the same one from my dream!
K- now I understand that this could mean nothing, but it just seems too weird to be a coincidence. I'm going to be carefull though and not bring it up to Mr. Masters. He's already got issues with me and won't talk to me about it. Which is totaly driving me crazy. This guy is a never ending source of frustration for me. It would all get solved if he would just get married but it hasn't happened yet.
So my dreams are coming true and I'm not sure what to do with it all.

My Little Brother

I miss my little brother sooo much I can hardly stand it. Last night I was supposed to email him because when he gets to email we are all asleep but I didn't and it makes me feel really bad because I remember how hard it was for me not to be able to hear from everyone. Hearing from Nick meant so much to me. I heard from him more often then I heard from anyone else. And now that I'm home I'm not as dedicated.
For Christmas we sent him this huge package from all of us. He got bags and bags of different kinds of jerky and some other odds and ends. Mom and dad were wondering what other kinds of things we should put in and the only thing that meant anything were pictures and letters. My family seems to think that if at least one of us writes a letter then it's all good and they are guilt free. Little do they know that the more we get the better. In their defense (and mine) we have never been great correspondents. We actually do much better if we just stay in the same city and preferably in the same house. Then we stay in awesome contact with each other :) So in past packages, my family thought it sufficient to send one card that had a little bit of something from everyone in it. I told them no way. For Christmas each one of us would write (or tape in the case of my dad who hates writing and will always send a tape. Which was wonderful) our own personal letter to Nick and we will send pictures. I'm in charge of the pictures. :) I don't carry my camera with me every where I go so I just got some stuff from my mission that I knew he hadn't seen yet and a few other pictures that I've posted on this web site. This blogg has saved me from sending a crappy letter to Nick. I just copied and pasted what I've put on here and Nick got a five page letter. :) Is that cheating, not really cause I was planning on telling him all of these things any way. My goal is to write him an actual letter every week in the mail and to post every week.
I mean come on he deserves it he's a missionary. And he's my brother, my best friend, and I MISS HIM LIKE CRAZY!!

The Embarrassment of Ignorance

My latest news is I now have my own door. I also saw Josiah (JT) Walker. This guy was my first dance. The first guy to ever hold my waist and sway back and forth with me when I was 14 years old and a mutual Halloween dance in a barn. Well, times change and this time I see him at the singles branch I attend and I did something really dumb.
I’m just about to leave the singles branch and as I’m doing so I see JT walking into the room with this girl. Now while I was on my mission JT got married to this girl he met in Hawaii. I look at this girl and I think to myself, “Hey, there’s JT. Oh yeah, he got married while I was on my mission. This must be the girl. She looks really familiar but maybe she went to Hawaii while I was gone and this is her, his new wife. Well, he’s walking in with her so it has to be.” I say hi to him exchange some pleasantries and then I start moving toward the doors saying goodbye. Just as I’m leaving I pat his shoulder and say, “I can’t believe you got married.” He got this look of terror on his face and everyone with in hearing distance all of a sudden stop talking and you can hear the commotion, “What, you got married?” Of course all of the people that were in hearing distance were everyone from the Stake Presidency and Branch Presidency. All of these leadership people are those we know very well. So here I am, saying this in front of everyone and I look at JT and say, “Oh, did no one know about it?” He puts his fingers to his lips and says, “No longer, I’m no longer married.”
I was SO embarrassed. I just about died and I told him sorry so many times. I couldn’t believe that I had been so stupid. But again in my defense I had no idea. So he told me what happened and turns out four months after he got married he was divorced. Apparently it was a Singles Ward thing where the wife decided she couldn’t live the gospel standards anymore. It was pretty bad.
So despite all of the things I learned on my mission there is no cure for stupidity in the face of ignorance. Which I’m full of.

My "Non" Date

Sounds kind of funny doesn't it, but it was what it was, a non date. There's this guy who I've known for a couple years. We had a strange and short courtship that ended with me wanting more and him wanting less. We remained peculiar friends, not ever really knowing how to be around one another. Shortly after, he introduced me to his best friend, who's name is James. It was a brief introduction and one that I didn't really think much of cause I didn't see him again for a long time after that.
Until of course I went to Riverside, California. Turns out this guy James was one Elder Holstein who had been called to serve in the CRM (California Riverside Mission) six months before I was. We again only spoke briefly to each other on several occasions. Then three months before I returned home I went back to Moreno Valley and Elder Holstein became my zone leader for six weeks. Funny how small the world is. He returned home but this time I had a feeling I would be seeing him again. Sure enough a couple weeks after I returned home our mutual friend came up to me and said, "James is coming to visit."
I was pretty excited to see him. To see someone familiar from my mission. Holstein is a cool guy but seems to like staying in the background. Doesn't really make himself a spectacle so when I saw him for the first time since he left it was funny to see him jump out of my sight almost like he was afraid to see me. I got invited to go over to their house and we played some games and got to catch up on some things.
Knowing he would be spending the day alone the following day I asked him if he wanted to do anything. I could take him around and help him get things done if he needed it. He said sure and we ended up spending the whole day together.
That night there was a Luau for the Institute. It was fun but after only being there for 45 minutes I was ready to leave. I don't know what it is but I don't like going to social events unless I have some sort of purpose in being there. My best friend Katie and her husband David showed and up and saved me by asking if I wanted to go see chronicle of Narnia. It was perfect but I also knew James would be hanging out at home by himself because our mutual friend, who's name is Dallas, was planning on going over to a young lady's house and basically ditching his friend who traveled several states away to see him. So I asked James to come with us. He did and...Well...lol...it was cool. It was lots of fun and we laughed and enjoyed ourselves. Poor James though was pretty much just caught up in all of our madness, but the movie was AWESOME. He was glad he came but still my friends are a little nuts.
So that was my non date. And it was with an elder from my mission. It was a cool weird type of thing.

Racketball anyone?

So I decided to do three things when I got home. Play tennis, volleyball, and golf. The tennis and golf is so my dad and I could have some fun bonding activities we could do together. My dad is a huge sports nut. In high school he played every sport you could think of, tennis being one of them. I asked him a couple days ago if we could play tennis together and he said, "Well, what about racketball?"
They're almost the same right? So this morning we got up and went to the rec center where we have a membership. I found out that my dad hasn't been to the rec center since October of last year. :) Though a sports nut he has gotten really busy over the years, what with raising kids and all and he hasn't kept in much shape. Hopefully that will change. As you can see by my red round face we worked up a good sweat. Not to soft but not to hard either, just perfect for both of us.
I realized that to keep a friendship alive and well you have to nurture it and that is the point of me doing this with my dad. Not to mention it's just plain fun to hit a ball around and "accidently" hit the ball in the middle of my dad's back (It was an accident actually, I'm not that good. It was only my first try)(first try playing racketball, not hitting my dad in the back). So not only does my body feel good from running after a little blue ball, but my heart feels good to knowing that my dad and I are building a friendship.

China Folding Screen

Two years ago when I moved home to get ready for my mission I moved into a room that's downstairs and diagonally across the hall from my parents room. It had just been remodeled. It's previous occupants were my brothers Frenchie and Angel. These two did a number on this room. They had several knives, bb guns, their fists, and other such things and because of all these toys we had to gut the whole room. We even had to replace the door jam. Which is why my current door is a Chinese Folding Screen. For a while it was coupled with a baby gate, but after a week or so of hurtling that thing several times a day I decided there was no real use for it and I removed it.
You'd think it would just be easier if we went and bought a door but you see our home is old. The doors now a days are too big for our door jams so we have to specially order them. My door has been ordered but is not finished yet. So for now, I'm stuck with the Chinese folding screen.

I went out with the sisters yesterday. It felt so good to be doing missionary work. We had a really good lesson, the spirit was there, our sisters are really good missionaries. You can feel the power that they carry. Something that I've learned since I've been home is my need to reach out to my Heavenly Father and search for those spiritual experiences. When you are a missionary it's with you 24/7. Sure you still have to work for it, but your whole life is dedicated to doing just that. There is no rest when it comes to that. So when I came home I knew things would be different and I've realized that now that I've been so blessed with spiritual experience up the wazoo I now get the opportunity to seek them out myself. Who says I can't have a spiritual experience every single day? Even every hour? I can, if I'm looking for it. The sisters came over to my house afterwards to have dinner and they made me feel really good by telling my parents that I helped teach a really good lesson with them.
I kept telling them if they need anything to just let us know. As they were leaving they said, "If there is anything you need let us know." Usually when people say that too me I have nothing to say back but this time I did, "The best thing you can do for me right now is give me every opportunity to go out with you guys." It was agreed and I got to end my day very happily.
Things are different, but I know my Heavenly Father loves me and he wants me to be happy. He wants me to feel of His spirit. He also wants me to succeed and my family to succeed. So I know that I'm going to be ok. I'm going to be just fine.

Life for the last two weeks

My parents remind me of the Tongan people. They are very giving. If you express an appreciation for something they own, even with the simplest of words as, "I like that necklace," they will promptly give it to you, no questions asked. My parents are the same way. If I say, "I'm thinking I would like to buy a new mattress mine hurts my body." The next thing I know I return 18 months later and I have not only a new mattress, but a new box spring, and a memory foam pad to go on top of the beautiful expensive mattress. All of which are two big for my bed frame, so now I have to buy a new bed frame. But I don't have room because my room is too small. I love my parents dearly. They are so worried about me coming home and not liking it here. As I was sharing some experiences with her about my growth and understanding concerning dating I started to relate to her how a Brazilian friend had helped me with that. She immediately started telling me, "You are not moving to Brazil, if you do..." I cut her off before she could say any more. I told her there was no way I could live outside the country. I just couldn't. I continued to express other things I learned on my mission. About ten minutes later she said again out of no where, "Please don't move to Brazil." I was driving so I couldn't look at her for longer then a second but for that second I saw in her face and heard in the tone of her voice fear. The idea of me leaving again terrifies her. It breaks my heart. I don't know why really why it hurts me so to see her like this. She gives me these looks like I'm going to up a leave because things aren't going the way I want it to.
My mom has spent years overcoming this urge to find acceptance from her father. A man that is...not the greatest of people. Won't go into much more detail then that. But I think she has mostly released herself from that urge, but she might have placed on her kids now. Especially those who she is very close to. Meaning me and my brother Frenchie. I'm going to code name my family too ;) So that is my biggest worry right now. My mom is wonderful and wants nothing but the best for me and she tries so hard to make up for the things she lacks in. Hopefully over the next couple months she will calm down and realize that I don't think my family is totally apostate and that I'm not going to up and leave the country any time soon. So anyway, back to my last two weeks. This other picture is to show what I have been doing with my time for the last two weeks. Organizing my room. When I came home I realized that even though I had gotten rid of a lot of my stuff from my mission I still had no place to put it in my room. Without my faithful Sister Planner around to keep me straight I've been at a lose for ideas on what to do with all my junk. So that's life for right now. Keeping busy and having fun.