Picture Proof

Proof we had fun on Thanksgiving:

My daughter is 18lbs. The Turkey is 22.

*edit: seriously isn't she the cutest kid ever! Look at her smile! How could you not find her adorable?!?!?!

There's always some sort of wrestling going on when they get together.

The Merrick men chatting away in the kichen. I think it was about Football

She loves the camera

Mom's famous holiday drink. We use cranberries as icecubes.

My aunt, dad, and cousin's son (my first cousin once removed?)

B-I-L wants to wrestle too.

Look at that yummy turkey

My uncle and his wife's dog. Did you know yorkies have real hair? It's like a living hair-peice for men.

Bittersweet

I haven't really known how to blog about my week. So much of it has been filled with sorrow but since it's also a holiday week there has been some joy. I feel I'm stuck in limbo as I debate what I will write about first. Should I write and post about the first sorrowful part of my week first? Or should I start out happy with the second part? Unfortunately I feel I must write about both at the same time depicting how my family members and I have felt this week. Our Thanksgiving was bittersweet as we enjoyed loved ones both living and dead.

My grandmother Maureen Susanne Irwin Merrick has battle cancer for several years. When I mean several I'm talking decades. Contracting breast cancer twice and fighting it off twice we thought Grandma would beat it and live forever. When the third relapse happened we hoped and probably expected this round to be a repeat of the last two but for the last nine years her body slowly succumbed to the cancer has it found it's way to her bones, liver, and finally lungs.

While she was or wasn't battling cancer Grandma was a steady force in our family. Though quiet but by no means meek she had plenty of her opinions but didn't force her views on her children or grandchildren. She didn't think much of any given church but I often heard her say, "Any church is better then nothing." She was always there at every function we had from volleyball games to choir concerts to every one of my church functions.

Her own father died when she was seven and my great grandma moved her two children from Canada to San Diego, CA where they lived in various places including project homes and a chicken farm. Traveling by train Grandma celebrated her eighth birthday while the north US rushed by. She enjoyed the outdoors playing on Mission Bay Beach while growing up. After marrying and had three boys she still continued to enjoy the outdoors but expanding up the mountains to snowmobile.

My grandparents moved their three boys up to Grandpa's native Idaho where they lived for well over thirty years in the same home. My parents met (my mother having moved up from San Fransisco just a few months after my dad) married and well the rest is history. Growing up I lived no more than 10 minutes away from my grandparents and both were a huge part of my life.

The first time I heard of my grandma getting breast cancer was actually her second time and I was scared. But her treatments went well and she recovered quickly despite her age so when the third time came I was sad but not scared. She beat it twice why not a third time? Earlier this year my grandpa called up all the boys scolding them for not being more supportive in grandma's illness. We suspected this time was different but we didn't really know for sure and probably didn't want to know. Then in October we were told Grandma had decided to go into hospice care. Wanting to support my family I asked to go with my parents to the hospital. My grandmother had been on kemo but it was doing more damage than good. Her lungs had filled with fluid and she couldn't breath and soars were forming in her mouth and she wouldn't eat. After draining her lungs (a painful process) of nearly a quart of fluid her doctor had said it was time to stop the treatments.

As we met with the doctor he was certain her lungs would fill up again we just didn't know how long it would take but he was certain that three months before she died was a positive estimate. The room was filled with sadness and acceptance but my grandfather crying for the love of his life was the hardest thing I ever witnessed. What I saw a month ago was only a foreshadowing of what was to come.

In the beginning all went really well. You could see Grandma perking up and behaving as if she was just old and not dying. She was eating and getting out of bed without much trouble. From earlier posts you know I took care of her in the mornings and it was wonderful sitting with her, making her breakfast and chatting with her. Looking back on it I wish I had asked more about her life but one thing we talked about was not living with regret and so I remember what we did talk about.

I remember how I held Ruby in my arms as she waved for the second time in her life to her great grandma unprovoked and how pleased Grandma was. I remember watching Emille cook and commenting on how excited the audience gets over cayenne pepper and she shoots back, "You should see what happens with garlic!" I remember helping her move to her chair to have some semblance of getting better. I remember talking about how glad I was able to be with her every morning.

Soon, though, she had trouble breathing again. She wasn't getting out of her bed anymore because she was afraid of losing her breath. A week later, Nov 21st, I got a call from my sister, who was crying, that she may not make it through the night. Flash and I packed up the kids picking up my brother and his girlfriend and we headed to my parents. Grandma was laboring to breath and my mom said this was a good time to say goodbye. I called my younger brother in Rexburg and told him to come home. She was on heavy pain medications that must be administered every two hours. I stayed up with her the first half of the night and by morning she was still alive but none responsive.

Around 9:00 am my dad came to me and said he was going to use the priesthood to release grandma's spirit from her body. My husband, younger brother, and my dad gathered around her and told her it was time to go home. My mom and I decided to bath her one last time. Silently we bathed her and gave her fresh clothes as a way of saying goodbye and we love you. An hour later she was gone.

I have never cried so much and seen so much sorrow as I saw in my grandfather as he cried and said, "God I loved that woman." There was some confusion as we realized we had no idea what to do now that she was gone. We had such purpose in taking care of her while she was alive that with her death our purpose was gone. Hospice came and verified her "apparent death" was the term they used and we decided to call a local company who would cremate her body. We gathered in her room as we waited for them to some get her body. We talked about...everything and in that moment there was peace, sorrow so much sorrow, but peace in knowing...it was over, she was no longer scared for she was never in much pain.

For the last few days I've felt like my heart was broken. Even as I write my heart aches for our loss. We spent the next few days preparing for Thanksgiving knowing it was her favorite holiday and knowing she would be there but only in spirit and for some reason that didn't seem enough. We set a place for her at the table with her good china she only used for holiday meals. Thanksgiving was as mentioned bittersweet. As we gathered with siblings, cousins, aunts, and uncles we watched our children and laughed. There was no mourning but the sorrow was ever present. Finally the day was over and with a sigh we realized we made it through. Christmas is coming but knowing we made it through the first holiday without her I think will make it easier. Loss is an interesting thing...it never really goes away...it just gets easier over time.

Routine

I've always been big on routine. I like schedules and plans to keep my life in order. I always end up throwing these kinds of things by the wayside because I either a) am too lazy to keep it up and/or b) get thrown with something new to change my life up. But some things stay the same. Right now this is my life:

5:30 am - wake up to Flash's alarm. He gets up and I stay in bed because gosh dang it I can

6:00 am - get up after Flash leaves and hop in the shower

6:30 am - wake up and get Ruby ready (or Tweeter's more on the name change another update)

7:00 am - leave for my mom's

7:30 am - arrive at my mom's and take care of my grandma. I do anything from get her coffee and breakfast to cleaning out her bedside commode (I won't go into detail on this, just know it's smelly but I love my grandma so I do it).

9:00 am - leave to open the office where I work for 8 hours

9:30 am - put Ruby down for her morning nap

11:30 am - Ruby wakes up and I get her lunch

2:30 pm - put Ruby down for her afternoon nap

5:00 pm - Ruby wakes up and I get her another bottle

5:30 pm - leave the office and go home. Somewhere between naps and lunch I get work done

6:00 pm - go home where I do a combination of cleaning, laundry, cooking, and homework

8:00 pm - say family prayer so Ruby can go to bed

9:00 pm - go to bed; sometimes bedtime is 8 for us but when i do homework Flash tries to stay up a little later so I can get more done. Neither of us like to go to bed without the other. It's probably a newlywed thing we haven't grown out of yet.

And that is my life during the weekday. Throw in some cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, and some church and that's my weekend. Friday night's usually is my play time with the girls and I do watch some tv. I sure know how to keep myself busy though, don't I?

At the Death Bed Of a Loved One...

When I was in junior high I started reading these books by Lurelene McDaniel about people with life altering medical conditions. Though my affair with these sort of books was short lived some how I came across a book about a girl in a hospice home. I forget the name of the book and I'm not sure if McDaniel even wrote it but I read it the same time I discovered McDaniel and it had the same flavor as her writing. Hospice was a foreign idea to me and even after reading that book I never needed an opportunity to think about it again but the one thing I took from that book was hospice is where sick people go to die comfortably.

Two weeks ago I joined my mom, dad, and grandfather at the hospital to discuss hospice care for my dad's mom who has been battling her third round of cancer for the last nine years.

I've known this was coming. We all did but there was plenty of denial. I guess we just all expected her to die suddenly instead of having to prepare for it head on and make arrangements for her comfort until the inevitable happens.

About the same time I came home from my mission my parents remodeled the house so it had an apartment attached to it. The garage got expanded to a two bedroom (with a walk in closet but really it's big enough to be a small bedroom), two bathroom, with another room for storage, complete with a full kitchen and living room apartment. I think the smallest part of the apartment is the dining area which fits a table of four. It's rather large for an apartment but it was designed to be a place for our disabled elderly.

When hospice was brought up we didn't think nursing home. That's not how we think in this family. We thought of the apartment and knew this was the best thing we could do for my grandparents. We all knew Grandpa couldn't take care of her the way she needs and now she has lots of family close by to assist in her every need.

It hasn't been easy for any of us. Especially my grandma and mom. Though service has never been a problem for my mom the magnitude of what's involved in hospice care was slightly overwhelming at first. But after a schedule was made and portions of the day assigned to different members of the family it has become a fluid process.

I arrive in the mornings Tuesday - Friday to give my parents a break and to spend time with Grandma. I enjoy being with her and helping her. It's hard to describe how it feels to take care of her. Service and charity are not new things to me but these feeling of service and charity...the love...that is new. It's a constant companion not unlike what I felt serving on a mission.

I know it's hard for Grandma to not be in her home, in her bed. Needing to rely on others for the barest of needs. She struggles and feels weak. I hurt for her and want her to be happy. Even though I find so much joy in serving her, more than anything I want her to feel less helpless. I wish I knew how.

The Pix Theatre 3rd Annual Gala

Over the last decade or so my hometown has been working on fixing up the downtown district. Our downtown is nothing big. The buildings are small and the shops are made up mostly of locally owned antique stores and restaurants and I believe the tallest building there is the library but it's quaint and I love it. Several condemned buildings have been torn down and replaced with grassy areas with murals while other older buildings received face lifts. Even the police station had a make over. It's actually exciting for me to see progress in a turbulent economic downturn.

One of my fondest memories was watching Back to the Future III at the downtown theater. I didn't notice at the time how rundown and old it was, I was too excited about seeing Michael J Fox save the present as he knew it from the evil clutches of Biff Tannen in all his various ages and generations. After that I went there only a handful of times before the building was finally condemned and Edwards took over the Treasure Valley. I hadn't thought about the old theater much since then until a foundation came to my work asking for help with their bookkeeping and taxes. They call themselves the Pix Theatre Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated in the restoration of an old condemned building where a little girl once watched Back to the Future III. The work they are doing will not only give downtown their theater back but also a venue where live performances and meals can be given. Over the last couple years we've built a relationship with the official members of the organization and have done work for them pro bono.

A few weeks ago they came into our office announcing their 3rd Annual Gala on October 24, a fund raising and awareness event with auctions, dinner, entertainment, and raffles. Since we've done so much work for them they wanted to give us a whole table of eight (cost of $800) and be VIP guests for the evening. They mentioned they were having trouble finding volunteers to help receive money for all the different money making portions of the evening and I immediately accepted the challenge for both my husband and myself. My mom (also my boss) said everyone who sat at our table would be happy to help. It was an exciting evening for me at least.

They had some really good fundraising ideas as well. The theme was Wizard of Oz and a local jewelry store donated a real ruby and emerald. Anyone who bought a wand (little dollar store plastic things) received a box which may or may not have the ruby or emerald enclosed inside. Those who didn't receive the precious stones got other jewelry like earrings and necklaces. There of course was a raffle for a beautiful quilt, a live auctions, a silent auction, and an online auction.

I live for these kinds of things. I don't like going to this stuff for the party, I always feel out of place and awkward. I love to work these events where I feel I have an excuse to interact with the guests and feel like I'm working toward a good cause. Something my hometown can be proud of.

Underwhelming the Overwhelming

I have a brother two years younger than me. This worked out perfectly for us when we decided to serve a mission for our church. I stayed in the states serving in the CRM and he went abroad to teach the people of France the restored gospel. Our experiences as missionaries were very different but the unity we felt knowing we were serving our Savior is His work created a bond between us that will never fade.

Our lives after the mission have reflected our mission as we both work toward similiar goals in different ways. We both are attending college but he goes to Rexburge and I attend BSU. I'm now married with kids and he is dating a lovely girl we just met this weekend.

Which brings me to the purpose of my post.

MY BROTHER BROUGHT A GIRL HOME TO MEET THE FAMILY!!

Needless to say we were all very excited. My dad's birthday was on Wednesday which just happened to be the same day as the Boise State football game between Tulsa. We've developed a tradition to go to my parents house to watch the Boise State games (GO BRONCOS!) and eat Klondik bars in the 3rd quarter. While watching the game we received a text from my brother saying he was bringing the girlfriend of 1 month home!

Well after the shock passed we started to panic just a little. First off, the reason Nick was coming home was to celebrate Dad's birthday on Sunday (big family dinner) AND to go golfing on Saturday morning. The poor girl was going to be alone with us for half a day. That's a lot of boyfriend family to take in on the first trip out. So we (the girls) started planning what activities we would do in hopes to not overwhelm the poor girl.

I'm happy to say though she did just fine. Despite being so young (19) she's, as my mother puts it, "Lovely." She's funny, sweet, interested, and most importantly interesting. Flash teased her unmercifully and she handled it very well which gives her a pass in my book. He certaintly can be overwhelming for those unused to his kind of teasing attention.

We all hope this will be a lasting relationship but you know it's only been a month... ;)

An Ill Favored Week

I'm sick, Mini Flash is sick, and Tweeters is sick. Poor Mini Flash is the sickest of us. Tweeters and I just had a head cold and recovering nicely. But Mini Flash can't keep anything down and visits the bathroom a lot. So no church for us today. Right now we are watching Monster vs. Aliens...for the fourth time...this weekend....yeah....

Other than that our week has gone smoothly. I've got a couple of school projects I need to complete by December. Last year I was busy preparing Tweeters arrival and asked for Incomplete in my Argumentative Writing and On-screen Print Documentation classes. Part of my Argumentative Writing class requires a submitted portfolio of 30 pages showing my development has a critical thinker. I wanted to focus on online gaming addictions but may turn into a comparison between chemical addictions and emotional addictions. I've also decided to take a subject from the news everyday and write an argument either for or against it. That part of the project started yesterday but I learned quite a bit about how people get nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Spiritually Invigorated

For the past month I've been thinking about my relationship with Heavenly Father and how much I miss the feeling of being close to Him and the promptings of the Holy Ghost like I had on my mission. As I've cleaned my house and organized the decorations I realized a pattern developing in a little corner of my living room I hadn't intended.

In that corner you'll find pictures of Christ, our Family Home Evening assignment board I FINALLY put together, our family Book of Mormon, Preach My Gospel, a book of the first 100 temples, and the last couple issues of the Ensign. Some of the things have been there since we moved in, others were put there because there was no room any where else. As I was sitting there looking at the corner and thinking about getting an updated picture of the First Presidency and noticed a space where the framed picture would fit perfectly it dawned on me that I had created a little nook that represented all my faith and convictions.

Then there was my visiting teachers. They came by and shared the Septembers Ensign explaining how we need to be rooted in a firm foundation of the gospel. A timely message for me. A friend of mine asked me to join her and another girlfriend to Deseret Book during the priesthood session on Saturday for prizes and sales. As I walked around I discovered a Primary Edition of trivia cards for half the normal price. I snatched them up hoping to use them for family home evening. Later at McDonald's we challenged each other by not only asking for the answer to the questions but the reference. I was surprised and dismayed when I couldn't remember what chapter Christ visited the Nephits! A return missionary should never have to admit that!

So then came conference. I challenged myself by playing scripture chase. Whenever I heard anything that sounded like a scripture or a story from our standard works I raced to find it the reference. I am rusty but I was pleased when I found an especially hard one Ezek. 11:19 because I had never heard it before.

So Friday was an educationally and physically uplifting day that opened my weekend to being spiritually invigorated.

Invigorated

I went for a walk today with Tweeter's down to a park not far from our house. I remember lamenting as I left my house that I forgot my iPod but I was too lazy to go back and get it. I didn't want to waste time looking for my headphones since I haven't used them in a few weeks. Halfway to the park I realized how blessed I am to be lazy at times because I almost missed listening to my daughter explain the mysteries of the universe.

Other random thoughts as I walked:

- Since Direct TV doesn't pull wire through houses when they put up those ugly dishes Flash should make a business of putting the wire in the house before the actual installation of the dish. That way people won't have an ugly dish and ugly wire.

- I need to buy a digital recorder to record my random thoughts because some of them are really good.

- I never believed walking was exersizing until today. I was always a strong believer in running. "How could walking really help you lose weight and get in shape?" I always questioned. You need good hard workouts with lots of sweat to achieve optimal weight loss. But my legs really hurt right now man. I wonder if that means I really out of shape.

- I wonder if my phone has a digital recorder. Wait, no it has a video recorder and it only lasts for thirty seconds. Wow do I really talk that much to need something lasting longer than thirty seconds?

Those are just to name a few.

Extra Mom Week

Last week was what I call the "Extra Mom Week." Occasionally, I get to exercise the parts of my mom muscles that usually lay dormant. Mini Flash (I know he wanted to be called Speed but I just can't) stayed with us for a week and a half. Usually we only get him Friday night and send him off to school Monday morning but his brother needed surgery last week (non-life threatening and he got through it fine) and bio-mom asked us to keep Mini Flash during the recovery time.

My mom muscles got worked over by having a full time elementary student in the home. My days at work started later and ended earlier and my house actually got cleaned on a regular basis because I was focused and not tired from work. It gave me a glimpse of what it'll be like when my littler ones get to elementary age and frankly I liked it. The only issue, less work hours equals less money. I've got at least five years to figure that out.

The highlights: watched Flash relish his time with Mini Flash doing homework. Helped Mini Flash dust around the living room and he actually LIKED it! When I picked Mini Flash up from school he grabbed my hand rubbed it against his face and said, "I love you mom."

Yeah I think it'd do that all over again in a heart beat.

Zebra Cakes!

Saturday I was dying to get out of the house and I got a hold of one of my girlfriend's who was just as excited to do something fun. Her mom took her daughter and my kids went to bed while Flash stayed home watching football and we went out at 9:30pm. We were both exhausted and the night life around here consists of movies and bars. Neither of which we were interested in doing. We made do by getting zebra cakes and zingers from Wal Mart and headed to the local movie joint where "beach" volleyball was being played by nice looking single men (the junk food was for me, the single men was for my friend). Where we sat next to the water fountain to eat and talk.

GameWorld is right next to the movie theater and we had a great time playing air hockey, basketball, and skeeball. We walked around the little shopping area where we disovered Artist for a Day is open until 11:00pm on Saturday and tucked that bit of knowledge away for another Saturday together. We went back to my place to watch the rain fall on my sunroof and watch the lightening flash across the sky until 1:30am talking and laughing. It was a simple and unplanned but awesome girl time!

My Husband's New Project

This used to be a fireplace in our living room.

*Edit*
This has been done for a while but here are some progress pictures. We also have some scones where the holes are at next to the tv. He did a great job, no?

I'm on the News!!

My work got interviewed for our unique business style but most importantly I'm famous! Check it out here.

So...Five Months

I married my sister off this weekend. It was a beautiful wedding and as one of my friends put it, "serene" which would be an extraordinarily accurate description. I'm sure my sister would disagree since she is as shy as a clam and not only had to say, "I do," in front of 30+ people (and not knowing who most of them are) but also wrote her own vows. She didn't' have them memorized and before walking down the isle kept saying to me, "I can only remember the first sentence of my vows." Luckily my new BIL had his written out as well and she didn't feel as stupid reading her as she lite the unity candle with him.


Of course no wedding would be a wedding without one major hick-up. Though in our family wedding dress drama is easily fixable and no bride-zilla's had to emerge but when you are a seamstress and say, "Bring the dress back a week before the wedding and we'll have it done in time," you don't put something like that on the back burner for another day. You get that sucker done! I guess no one told this seamstress the rules because after my brother picked up the dress and drove three hours to where the wedding would be held the next day we looked at the dress in horror and exclaim, "It hasn't been touched!"


Nope, no alterations were made after they swore it would be done, and mind you we went to them three weeks before the wedding and they told us to come back. My sister is six months pregnant so timing the alterations was key. The next day, hours before the wedding, my parents and sister left for a "near" by town (1 1/2 hours away) and find a shop to rent a dress, which ended up being more beautiful than her original dress. So all ended well.


Speed and I also had our little bit in the ceremony. Speed was the ring bearer and I was the maid of honor, though since I'm married I guess it's matron of honor but it makes me sound old. I got to give a little toast, we had cake, smoked salmon, chicken salad, fruits and veggies, and we all enjoyed a lovely cool spring wedding.

Congradulations Katy and Wil! I'm so happy for you!

My feelings for Edward sumed up