Fight or Flight

Gray's Anatomy season finale was based on the old (well old to me anyway) technical term "fight or flight."

I always thought of myself as a fighter. Who didn't run away from confrontation. It's not that I'm not afraid. I just don't like wasting time.

But then I wonder, am I really the type that stands and fights? Or am I the type to fly away when faced with serious conflict?

I look back on those moments in time when I felt like I was out of control and in pain. And I wanted to run. But then I never did and I never do. I WANT to but I never seem to make it. Why is that?

I think there's more to the theory then scientists and doctors know. Sure you have the fight. Standing there like an idiot and taking your hits whether you have the skills or not. Or....

there's the flight AND coming back to kick A$$!!

I went running on our new tread-mill tonight after I watched Gray's Anatomy. Making plans in my head to run away for the weekend by myself to McCall. A little city in the mountains about 2 hours northeast of here. Beautiful area. As I stepped on to the tread-mill I intended to run until I couldn't think any more while I listened to Rob Thomas. I wanted to forget about my problems, forget about how confused and emotional I've been lately. Run away from the memories of recent events. I just wanted to listen to music and run as far and as fast as I could.

But instead of letting my mind wonder from my woes the music brought me back. I started applying the words to my problems and I saw my enemy in my minds eye and said, "You can't have me!" Yes, I think in those terms. I think a lot about Christ and Satan and about the influences they have on me (Read 2 Nephi 28:20 and 2 Nephi 33:1 and you might understand why).

And I felt the fight come back to me. Which made me run stronger (not faster cause I was on a set speed). My steps were surer and my breathing was more calm, relaxed, determined.

I was weak. I couldn't fight and so I had to run away for a little bit. But that just means I'm getting ready to come back and kick some butt. I'm not ready for a full battle yet, but I'm getting there and I know how to get ready.

I feel so alive!